Why in the World would you push me away?
You say you love me but day after day,
You bitch and complain about anything little thing
I cry in pain over the same old thing.
You tell me I'm worthless in so many ways
That some days I believe it so life passes in a haze
I hope and I wish that this is just a phase
But for 20 years? and nothing has Changed?
You tell me I need to fix myself
You tell me I have a bad Attitude
But I can't help but wonder what
You are doing to help me?
I am like a mirror I reflect what I see
And if you don't like how I am
Then maybe Just maybe it isn't me.
You gripe and wine tell me I'm nothing, its over
You tell me I'm just like your mother.
But if anyone acts like Satan down below
Its you 10 times over.
Your logic is backwards your words are false
You cry help me but never give me a chance
I try to work with you but sometimes its for not
My heart is constantly in a knot
All I think about is the day I leave
I forget about you and the pain I receive
My self esteem is always plummeting
you break and send my confidence rumbling
You "want me to succeed" But so often you bring me down
I feel there's nothing I can do but get out of town
Its like you've never wanted me never even cared
All those I love you's where just forced and scarce
I have tried and tried but you see nothing I do
Little things and Big things those were all for you
All you tell me "it could have been better."
Even like this past mothers day letter.
I get it I'm going less than 6 weeks to go
I wont call or write or even let you know
where I go from here its over we're through
I give out my goodbyes and say I love you
Of course you wont believe me
You'll push me away
And Ill leave feeling the same old way.
I love you I do but I'm tired, just tired and sometimes I just don't get why you are so frantically trying to push me away. I know you will say you're not and get upset but that's how it feels more often than not. Your attitude on the smallest of things can change my mind and everything. I am at the point that when I leave I wont want to call you I just want to know you love me for me and not one of those forced I love yous I actually don't want you to say anything to me I want you to show me. Because I am tired of trying to fix myself for you but you never try to fix your self for me. I am tired of trying and failing to see what you really want I am not super human I am not practiced I suck at everything I know trust me if anyone knows its me. But you don't trust me in anything that I do I know you want to protect me but I have to make mistakes too. You have to understand and realize that You can't tell me how I am feeling and you DO NOT know what I am thinking. Only I know those things because there are things you think you know but you have no Idea. I feel like you are pushing me away but I don't know why.